Journey from the Dark Side

I hear writing is cathartic, or so my closest friends keep telling me. As a writer myself, you'd think I'd be aware of that; however, I don't write for pleasure or even for myself. I write for others, expressing their wishes and producing their content. So here I am, wondering where to start and how to write about those demons that demand release from my aching, often hollow soul.

I suppose I could start at the beginning, but that seems like so long ago. I could start where I am now, but that doesn't seem plausible to me either. Perhaps I should start where my life may have actually begun. As I purge, I am sure you will come to understand what I mean.

I suffer from what is known as chronic depression. Experts are unsure of what causes it and there is no known cure. Chronic depression is long-lasting, interferes with daily activities, and causes a loss of interest in things that were normally pleasurable to the one affected. But that isn't actually where my life started.

Four years ago, I was diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD is described as a prolonged disturbance of personality function in a person, characterized by depth and variability of moods. It typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood (black and white thinking), chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity and behavior and a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. Fortunately, I was considered a mild case.

Unfortunately, it cost me my marriage of two years, one year after the birth of our daughter. Someone who promised to love me and cherish me through sickness and in health scrambled for the door the moment he heard what kind of person I had just been labeled and my dark reality became a midnight nightmare.

Why do I say this is when my life began? It's simple, at least in my mind. The moment the door shut behind my departing spouse was the moment I vowed I would take charge of my life and find a way to cure myself. Have I succeeded? Not yet and maybe I never will. But I have found ways to deal with the depressions I suffer and to work through the darkness my life becomes on the 'bad days', while cherishing the 'good days' and making the most of them. Through my four year journey, I have met the most incredible people who have offered to walk by my side along my paths of good and bad. Those treasured friends give me hope, they give me love, and, most of all, they accept me as I am. So how can I not learn to accept myself during my enlightening travels? It is a challenge I face everyday and one I dare to take on.

Walk with me on my journey. Learn that depression is more common than most people believe. Know that you are not alone. Discover ways that could help you in your journey from the dark side into the light of acceptance. I look forward to our travels.